Private or state school for our baby?

Marie and Neil live in North Shields, Tyne and Wear, with their baby son, Marcus. Neil, 34, is a business development manager in telecoms and Marie, 40, is a freelance writer. Neil attended the prestigious private school, Merchant Taylors’ in Liverpool, before going to Aberystwyth University. Marie went through the state system in Northumberland and completed her education at Middlesex University.

I’d like my son to be in a nurturing environment
Marie Difolco

“Neil’s education cost thousands of pounds; mine, however, was free. I was state educated throughout, attending Dunston Primary in Newcastle until the age of eight, then transferring to Darras Hall First School, and Ponteland middle and high schools.  

"My parents had juggled with the dilemma that I’m sure a lot of parents do: ‘Shall we move to an area where the state schools have a good reputation or shall we send them to private school?’ My parents moved.

“As far as a state education goes, I believe the schools I attended provided a good one. In high school, I was bullied, but at the time I thought that was just what you had to put up with. My dinner money was taken, my cookery ingredients stolen and often I was prevented from using the toilets.

"I don’t think I’m too scarred, but it has thrown a black cloud over some of my childhood memories. I hope that schools today watch pupils more closely and provide support for those who are bullied, but I’ll still be keeping a close eye on my son.  

“I was outwardly confident at school but inwardly insecure. Sadly, I don’t think the teachers ever had enough time to discover this. Classes were large and teachers seemed to rule by fear as it was probably the only way they could control such numbers of pupils.

“The thing that makes me most sad about high school was the lack of good careers advice at the time. I was part of the ‘have it all’ generation. We were pushed to do well in exams, but there wasn’t any real focus on what achieving good results could lead to other than a place at university. I’d like Marcus to be taught in a more nurturing atmosphere. If he’s academically bright, that will be developed, but if he isn’t I’d like his school to encourage other talents."

Private school pushed me to do my best
Neil Wells 

“I attended a state school in Crosby, Liverpool, until the age of 11, before being awarded an ‘assisted place’ at Merchant Taylors’ School for Boys, a renowned private school. Looking back I can see that the standard of teaching I received at Merchant’s prepared me very well for exams, and I had to deliver a lot more in terms of homework than my peers in the state system. In hindsight I know this was a good thing, although I felt burdened by study at the time.

“I was a bit of a prankster at school and I don’t think I would have done so well in the state system. The environment at Merchant’s was very ‘work led’ so you stood out if you weren’t doing well. Most children don’t want to stand out so this ‘high achieving’ atmosphere pushed me to do my best.

“A major downside was that Merchant’s was a ‘single sex’ school. Having no girls around was possibly less distracting, but in terms of life skills it wasn’t healthy for me. The range of subjects on offer was narrow and traditional at the time and I wish I’d had more choice. Towards the end of my schooling Merchant’s had a new headmaster and the curriculum broadened and modernised.  

“I loved sport, especially cricket, and the facilities at Merchant’s were far superior to the state school I would otherwise have attended. Maybe I got away with a lot more because I was good at cricket!

“My family weren’t as well off as others at the school, but I didn’t feel inadequate as a result. I simply gravitated towards those from similar backgrounds. It didn’t bother me that I couldn’t have the best cricket bat or the latest trainers or that I couldn’t go on the annual ski trips, but that’s just my personality. Marie thinks that she would have felt ‘singled out’ by this.

“Generally, I believe my education gave me confidence and groomed me to be able to interact and speak comfortably.”

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Do you think that Neil and Marie have reached the right decision? Do you have any advice or experience to help them?