Bring your hamster: settling in at boarding school

If a child is having difficulty settling in we will sit down with her and start helping her to build a support network of friends and staff here
Henrietta Lightwood, Badminton School

If you didn’t board yourself – or have memories of stark dorms and feeling homesick – it’s only natural to be apprehensive about sending your youngster to boarding school. My brother describes boarding in the sixties as ‘a very tough regime with lino and Crimean War beds.’ The good news is that life in modern boarding schools has moved on leaps and bounds, and as well as the transformation in accommodation and facilities, there is now strong emphasis on pastoral care to support children’s emotional needs.

Hilary Moriarty, national director of the Boarding Schools' Association, cuts straight to the common sense: “You don’t get any mileage out of an unhappy boarder and heads take their pastoral responsibilities very seriously.” One such head is John Dunston of Leighton Park School in Reading. “Today’s boarding schools are warm, welcoming and relaxed,” he says. “The best qualities of family life are replicated in the family of the boarding house, as pupils progress from childhood to adulthood in a caring environment." 

“Pupils live as individuals within a community, supported by each other and by the professional care and involvement of houseparents, tutors and matrons – all of whose prime concern is the welfare of those in their boarding house,” he says. 

 “Matrons are almost like house mothers, with a purely pastoral and domestic role,” adds Hilary Moriarty. “They can be a valuable support, especially to younger boarders.”

Someone to talk to

Each school is different.  Some also have assistant boarding mistresses, residential tutors and visiting tutors. But there are experienced staff on hand – someone to talk to or even a shoulder to cry on should you need it.

“If a girl is struggling, we will sit down with her and start helping her build a support network of friends and staff here, rather than at home,” explains Henrietta Lightwood, director of marketing at Badminton School in Bristol (0117 905 5200 and www.badmintonschool.co.uk). “This obviously can take a little time, but keeping pupils busy and active is key.”

“Sometimes just an extra phone call home or a chat with the housemaster can settle a child,’ adds Alexandra Doe, a spokesperson for Strathallan School in Perthshire (01738 812546 and www.strathallan.co.uk).

Schools such as Badminton work hard to make the move to boarding school as easy as possible. At the start of the new year, new girls and their parents have lunch together and the head talks to everyone about settling in and what to expect. “Pupils always stay and mix in for the first weekend,” continues Henrietta Lightwood. “We also have ‘integration weekends’ away. Building bridges in Wales, for instance, builds up great camaraderie between the girls.”

From Bermuda to Bangkok

Of course, some youngsters may need a little more help than others.  There are around 20,000 overseas children studying in Britain and Badminton has boarders from 37 different countries as far afield as Bermuda, Thailand, Russia and China. Whether boarders are from Oxford or Bangkok, the school helps new girls to start making the transition – before they’ve even set foot in the building.

“Once a new girl has been accepted, she is given a mentor so that she will have a friend in the same year,” explains Henrietta. “This is especially valuable for students from overseas,” she says. “If I had a new pupil coming from Hong Kong, for instance, I would try to match her with an existing pupil from Hong Kong and encourage them to email, or even meet up in the holidays.”

Mentors also send out our handbook, written by years 7 and 8, answering questions such as ‘Can I bring my laptop?’ and, crucially, ‘Shall I bring my teddy or is that uncool?’

Strathallan School has several strategies to help students from abroad feel at home.  For example, their Chinese pupils have support on tap – from a Chinese counsellor who lives in the school. Strathallan also has an English as Additional Language department, providing one-to-one tuition or small classes. “This enables pupils to follow the normal curriculum and mix with their classmates as much as possible,” explains Alexandra Doe.

“We also encourage youngsters from overseas to maintain their own cultural and religious identity,” she continues. “Some of the girls arrange celebrations for the Chinese New Year or the Hindu festival of Diwali and these are shared by all our pupils, regardless of background.”

Bring your hamster

Leaving families, friends and pets can be an even bigger wrench for smaller children.  Children are encouraged to make themselves feel at home by bringing posters, photographs and teddies. Some schools have house pets or encourage children to bring their own with them.

“The junior house at Strathallan is very close knit, with fantastic pastoral care in a secure environment,” says Alexandra. All new pupils are matched up with an older ‘buddy’ to act as their mentor. “Some pupils don’t need them at all, but others stay friends throughout school,” she says.

Hilary Moriarty advises parents to choose the geographical area they want and then see the list of schools on the Boarding Schools’ Association website (www.boarding.org.uk).  From there, parents can request statements about their pastoral care and ask extra questions about the boarding staff training.  Ofsted can be another good source of information, with the most recent inspection reports on the website (www.ofsted.gov.uk).

Hilary has a final nugget of advice for parents. “Do take your child with you to visit at least two of your shortlisted schools. With boarding, it’s important that a child has a passion for something going on at the school – whether it’s playing in a band, fund-raising or learning to horse ride. If they have had some say in the decision, youngsters are much more likely to settle.”

Find out more about the superb medical facilities that private boarding schools offer and their counselling services