To board or not to board? That is the question

Being brought up in a boarding school teaches children tolerance of others and brings out strengths that might not otherwise appear until their mid-twenties
Gavin Ellis, parent

On a parental web forum recently, a mum voiced regret that she had never attended boarding school. Reading Enid Blyton books as a young girl had instilled a desire for midnight feasts, clacking lacrosse sticks and high adventure in the midst of towering old buildings pre-dating Hogwarts. But, she was wondering, did reality match the fiction?

“The simple truths about living together and learning from your mistakes are really valuable,” says Patrick Lee-Brown, headmaster at Rydal Penrhos, a mixed day and boarding school in north Wales. “And yes, it can be a lot of fun. It’s certainly not cold showers, cracked floors and leaky basins.”

Around 700 schools in the UK offer boarding to their pupils. This year’s census from the Independent Schools Council (ISC) shows that 67,000 ISC schools pupils (around 13 per cent) are boarders, up 0.4 per cent from last year. Boarding school is alive and well, contrary to what many imagine, and offers a range of benefits.

Cutting the umbilical cord

In many ways, boarding is a natural extension to adolescence and the breaking away from parents. It can be a great step towards maturity and independence. Parents may worry that it marks the beginning of the end of their relationship with their children, but letting them board doesn’t mean you have to forsake them.

“You don’t lose a child when you send them to boarding school, rather they get an enhanced and expanded life,” says Hilary Moriarty, director of the Boarding School's Association.

"You’re not cut off. Everyone has phones and it’s quite different now to how it used to be.” 

Gavin and Penny Ellis agree. Their two sons, Hamish, 11, and Lochy, 10, have been boarding full time at Merchiston Castle School in Edinburgh for the past year. They looked at schools across the UK before deciding to keep the boys in Scotland so they could retain close contact with them. The school is an approximate three-hour drive from the family home near Inverness.

“We see them every two to three weeks when they come home to visit and if I’m working in Edinburgh we might pop in and watch them playing rugby. We don’t abdicate our parenthood,” says Gavin.

Flexi-boarding

Boarding is a lot more flexible than it used to be. Full boarding, where children live at school for the full week during term time, is just one option. Many schools now offer weekly and flexi-boarding. A weekly boarder lives at school during the week but returns home for the weekend. A flexi-boarder may only stay at school a few nights a week.

“We have boarders at Rydal Penrhos who live in nearby Colwyn Bay. It’s not always the case that they come from a long way away,” says Patrick Lee-Brown. “We try to encourage pupils to board at least one or two nights a week if it makes sense. If circumstances change, we like to be flexible and offer parents what’s needed.”

Creating a home from home

Boarding can save a child from a long, daily commute. It can offer routine and structure, free up time for busy parents who need to work and provide an important base for children whose parents are in the Forces overseas or who move around frequently. The environment can be stimulating, with boarders able to take advantage of a school’s facilities and extended activities after normal school hours.

There are other advantages that are a little less tangible. A happy boarding graduate of Ellesmere College in Shropshire, Gavin Ellis had a number of reasons for choosing boarding for his sons.

“Being brought up in that environment creates and nurtures leadership and companionship,” he says. “It teaches tolerance of others and brings out strengths that might not otherwise appear until they reach their mid-twenties.”

It’s all about rubbing shoulders with a wide variety of people. The school population at Rydal Penrhos comprises 35 per cent boarding pupils and 65 per cent day pupils representing around 25 nationalities. Patrick believes this vibrant mix has healthy, positive and far-reaching effects.

“I’ve always worked in schools where there’s a mix,” he says. “There are pros and cons of both day and boarding, and the more they work together side by side, the better they understand other people’s experiences.”

Patrick Lee-Brown, Hilary Moriarty and Gavin Ellis each express the opinion that great friendships can be made while boarding. Gavin wanted to give his sons the chance to forge the sort of friendships he made during his school years – the close-knit camaraderie that Blyton readers would recognise in an instant.
 
“My friendships have endured through the years. Whenever anyone needs help, we are still there for each other. We understand each other and respect each other,” he says.

Dealing with the drawbacks

But friends or not, boarding isn’t for everyone. Even with the best pastoral care, homesickness can be a problem for some. Also, the benefits of boarding aren’t out of reach to day pupils. They can still make lasting friendships, play sports, embrace the arts and lead teams while enjoying residence in their family home, being close to their siblings, having greater opportunities to make friends outside of school, and being able to escape the school environment in the evening and weekends.

Boarding is also expensive. The average termly fee is around £7353, although there are a small number of state schools which offer boarding alongside a state-paid education, which effectively halves the cost. You might save money on transport, food and energy costs with your child being away from home, but it’s still a big financial commitment.

Boarding is arguably less suitable for younger children. Around a third of boarders at all ISC schools are in the sixth form, a handy indicator of when the majority of parents let their children board. The majority are over the age of 13 and there are only 200 seven-year olds currently boarding, a drop from 318 in the 2000 census (many of these are likely to be choristers).

The Ellis family didn’t intend to send their youngest to board until he was 10 or 11, but decided it was more important for him to be with his brother with whom he has a close relationship. It’s a good reminder that with schools – boarding, day or otherwise – one size does not fit all.

Break with tradition

“It’s really, really important to choose the right school for your children,” says Gavin. “You shouldn’t just choose the school you went to as a child. You should choose one that fits with your own family ethos and is the right school for your child.”

He and Penny are satisfied that Merchiston was the right choice and that their boys are happy and growing up well. They’re more independent and do things without being told to do them. They have more belief in themselves, a better understanding of other people’s strengths and weaknesses, and are gaining greater momentum academically. Above all, they still have two caring parents.

“So long as you’re not trying to escape your relationship with your children, and believe in your heart of hearts that the school meets all the aspirations you have for them, then you know you’re making the right decision,” says Gavin.

The boarding school day

This is a typical day for pupils aged between 11 and 13 at Haileybury - a prestigious boarding school in Hertfordshire

Sixth formers have to be in their house by 10.30pm with lights out at 11pm.